| //.119 |
[Friday
3/28 @ 2:13 pm] |
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Recently I realized something, something I've been saying all along, but struggled with a few weeks ago. Its like when you're young, everything feels bigger, I guess that's why your called little for so long, because it takes so long to realize everything isn't so big. Especially when you try to go back. A few months ago I tried, I went back to the first apartment I remember living in, I drove right by it 3 times, I couldn't find it, not because it was gone but it was so much closer to the road and the buildings were closer together and so... small. It made me think, you really can't go back. But for some reason, I forgot that last month, even tho I had always known, time changes everything. You can love and have your heart broken, or break someones heart, but we will all feel it at one point or another, but I've come to believe everything happens for a reason, when your older and bigger and look back on every moment that changed your life, and realize if they hadn't happened no matter how good or how bad they were at the time, they led you to where you are, so as long as you can understand that you can't go back and you live your life the best you can, you'll look back and smile, because you shouldn't regret anything that was meant to happen.
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| //.117 |
[Friday
2/15 @ 2:31 pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
There's always something lingering..
There's never a real reason,
but you can feel it
it always feels the same.
To anyone who can see the future,
please tell me if I'm in the wrong.
I just don't understand
why it took me so long.
I've been lost for so long
but I can hear a familiar voice
calling my name.
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| //.116 |
[Friday
11/2 @ 5:46 pm] |
its been a while but ive got alot on my mind..
sittin here thinking about you
what we said
what we did
how we will change
lettin this clove burn
so low it hurts to hold
and im confused
all fucked up
wishing i could just be numb
numb to emotion
of loss and devotion
and feeling alone in this full house
dont know if i can do this
go through this
with you on my mind
ive tried
i wear a smile around you
hoping you will never know
how torn apart i am
inside.
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| //.115 |
[Monday
8/6 @ 3:11 am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
hey, so its been a while, theres always alot on my mind when i write here.. i cant even put it into words.. im so depressed, i need a change and i dont know what it is but whatever it is thats making me feel this way is tearing me apart, its ruining my job, my love life, my happiness... im deteriorating and no one can help.. im so far gone i dont know if ill ever come back this time.. i sit around and wonder what im doing wrong, and all i can do is cry and i dont know why.. things arent that bad in retrospect but i cant stop crying and feeling so empty when life used to be so full..
here i am again
a broken mess again
and im drillin deaper
gonna fall away
im not myself today
and im growing farther.....
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| //.114 |
[Wednesday
3/7 @ 12:37 pm] |
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why cant everything be easier?
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| //.113 |
[Thursday
2/22 @ 12:32 am] |
So I got a job, I'm a hostess at On The Border it's awesome, we haven't opened yet, the grand opening is on march 8th!! I'm excited it's so fun, so right now were just training and stuff. Other than that I've just been hanging around, I don't think I'll be able to start school yet, but as my mom has always told me, sometimes you have to wait until the right time. So thats what I'll do.. when the time comes, I'll go to school. So thats about it. Oh and Fonzie is doing really good, so I'm really happy with the move so far.
Would I be out of line if I said I miss you?
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again,
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again.
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again.
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again.
However far away I will always love you.
However long I stay I will always love you,
Whatever words I say I will always love you,
I will always love you.
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am free again.
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am clean again.
However far away I will always love you.
However long I stay I will always love you,
Whatever words I say I will always love you,
I will always love you.
i♥kevin
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| //.112 |
[Saturday
2/10 @ 8:03 pm] |
so whats new..
I don't work at Swiss any more, I live in RI with Kevin, Looking for any job I can get right now, and still looking for a co-sign so I can go to Toni&Guy hairdressing academy. fo sho.
Life's changing and I'm not waiting. I'll take my share and go cause I'm ready. You can ask me to stay, but I won't. I'm sorry, I love you, I'll miss you, I'm making this on my own. Wish me luck as I'm walking away. I'm sure I'll see you whether far or soon.
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| //.111 |
[Tuesday
1/30 @ 11:10 pm] |
ok so its been a while, i was doing good too.. let me try and figure out what happened...
uhm... ill just summarize..
at the open house for toni&guy jamie and i got out hair done and our makeup and then went shopping and then we went back to the house but i decided thats where i need to go to school, only its 17,204 dollars. but im determined, since then ive taken the entrance exam and talked to the financial aid officer. all i need is a co-sign and ill be enrolled and taking classes. i also recently applied to hooters in Warwick.. i had a short interveiw and i am calling tomorrow to set up the second with the hiring manager, hopefully ill get that job and be a hooters girl :).. OH and in case you havent caught on, im moving to RI this weekend. :D uhm i dont know what else has really happened other than that stuff thats exciting, ill try and update more often.. ok so yea peace.
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| //.110 |
[Monday
1/8 @ 7:41 pm] |
ok updateeee
Thursday:
Woke up, almost had to ride my bike to work but last minute I got ahold of TJ to bring me.. so I worked, then my mom picked me up and I picked up James and then we went out to RI to see Kevin. We went and picked up Kevins check and then we picked up Joe and we all went out and James Kevin and Joe went skateboarding then to taco bell then back to the apartment. at like 1:30 I left to come home. then I went to sleep.
Friday: I literally stayed in my PJs all day then talked to Kevin online and then went to sleep.
Saturday:
I woke up and went to work, then at 1 I went home and sat around, I drew Kevin a sweet picture and then I made some pajama pants that say Drift on the tush :) then at like 12:30 Kevin and James got here and picked me up and we went to Kylers for the night.
Sunday: woke up and had breakfast, went to skate but there was a bunch of people there, went to my house to change, went to Kevins to put the shifter in (still didnt work) watched tv and then went to dinner at Dimitris and met up with Kyler James and Brett there. then went back to Brett's then came to my house, then went to Kevins and played these computer games together til 12:30ish and then came to my house to sleep.
Monday: woke up at like 6:30 got to kevins at 7, got in the car around 7:30 and drove to New Britain for kevins court appt. which he got nollied so it was all good. then we went to his house for a while, then we went and cashed in the cans so I can go see him tomorrow, and then we came to my house to look at MY car.. thats right finally.. its just Jesses 91 integra, but he signed it over so YAY!!! I have a carrrrrrr! ha! ok lol, so then we decided what I need to buy so Kevin can help me fix it, or well fix it and ill watch :D haha.. so then we hung out for a few hours at my house and then got candy and then he dropped me off so he could go home cause he needed to buy books for goin to school tomorrow. so then I gave Fonzie a bath and now im just hangin out watchin tv. and tomorrow I have to work then goin to see Kevin, wednesday I dunno and then thursday is an open house at Toni&Guy and seein Kevin and then friday I am working some more and saturday also and then ill write some more after that.
PCEEEEE
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| //.109 |
[Wednesday
1/3 @ 10:47 pm] |
thinking....
ten years have passed and this wont be the last
that im still here though youve been gone for so long
and though i may not say it i miss you everyday
its not home without you and the winters colder in an erie way
i was too young to lose my daddy
still not old enough to live each day that you can not
and with every fighting breath i come up short of air
to prevent me from smothering myself the way you did the day you left
and even running through this over and over in my mind
im confused as to why i had to experience a life i can not describe
yet he listened and suddenly the motion changed
and i stop feeling alone in this huge world
cause ive got someone to hold
when you arent here to fix what happened after you were found
and how somehow i became second best to my mother
who i always fought first for
and i will prevail because ive found love again
thank you father for forgiving me for my sins.
Modern day Bonnie & Clyde
shootin up mustangs
robbin wal*marts
lovin eachother unconditionally
you have my heart so dont
d o n t l e t i t g o
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| //.108 |
[Wednesday
1/3 @ 9:01 pm] |
wow its been a while.. i suck at this.. let me try my best...
please be aware, the grammar is horrible. i would fix it but im incredibly too lazy.
the thursday i said i was goin to Ri with tj and noah ended up being just me and tj, but it was still fun. the next day i went with noah to plymouth and chilled with him and his friends then came home at like 4 am and slept cause i worked saturday. saturday afternoon i went to Ri and sunday morning kevin james and i came back to CT cause it was Christmas eve. we hung out and then went to our seperate houses to sleep. christmas morning i went with kevin to his grandparents for dinner. then we came to my house for my familys xmas then we hung out and then went to heathers and met up with james and we went to the movies to see Night At The Museum.. it was good. then we went home and went to bed. tuesday i went to work, kevin picked me up after and we chilled then in the morning took james and went back to Ri. on thursday kevin and james went skating in providence and i went shopping. friday kevin worked then james and him and joe skated and then we went back to the apartment and watched grandmas boy. the next morning we get a call that on the way home the night before joe hit a telephone pole and rolled his car.. thankfully he is ok not a scratch on the kid. so then the other joe moved in to the apartment, we hang out and we look at the other joes car and its pretty beat. we went back to the apartment and slept. sunday we came back to CT cause it was new years eve. kevin and I went to chill with clark and alex and some other friends. then we drove to my house and slept til like 1. we went and chilled with clark. fixed the hondas exhaust again, went shopping, then brought clark back to his house and kevin and i were gonna go home, but then james wanted to chill so we picked him up, rented movies and watched them at my house then went to bretts to chill for a while. we woke up at like 2 the next day, went to wendys, went to kevins, then we all went to T.G.I.Fridays for Bryans goin away dinner. then we were all supposed to go to kylers but kevin and i ended up goin to see his parents then when we wanted to go to kylers, no one else wanted to. so we came to my house, and well kevin and i had the best bonding time we have ever had and i love him so much and he means the world to me. then we went to bretts to chill with him and bryan and jamie and kyler who ended up comin here, and james and mumley. then kyler and mumley left. and james and bryan and jamie and me and brett and kevin piled into the honda and went to dennys. at yea 3 am. lol. then we brought brett home, bryan home, and me and kevin james and jamie came to my house to sleep. in the morning we got yelled at by my loser brother.. haha. then we got up at 9 and went to jamies to sleep. kevin left at 12:45 to go back to Ri for work. i slept til 3. james slept til 4. then jamie, james and i got picked up by erika. jamie got two tattoos and erika got one. then they brought me home and now im watching the season 3 premiere of Beauty and the Geek, waiting for kevin to get out of work :).
oh ps. i hate my house i need to get out.
pss. jamie and alissa have the cutest balding papillion ever, lol i love it.
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| //.107 |
[Wednesday
12/20 @ 11:37 pm] |
thursday:
woke up, worked 3-7, went to johns and picked up pams car, dropped it off at my house, took my moms car to RI to see kevin, ate food and went grocery shoppin with him, spent the night with him, laid in his bed for a few and then drove home.
friday:
woke up, worked 3-7, dropped pams car off at her house, john drove me home, got ready to party, went to melissas with john and taylor, got baked and drunk and then came home and talked to kevin then went to bed.
saturday:
woke up, worked 9-1, went grocery shopping with my mom, waited for kevin, helped him take the interior out of the 240, picked up james and went to RI
sunday:
6:30 am get woken up cause some banging on the door and it sounded like grand theft auto was being played downstairs so i get up and out the back window there is smoke pouring out of the apartment next door so i make kevin get up and go outside and theres 7 fire trucks and cops like crazy and then the fire marshall says hey your from 71? and i said yea and he goes is everyone out? and i said no and he said get em! so i did.. so then james skateboarded over the fire hose and me kevin watched the fire fighters break every window in the apartment almost right next to his and cut into the roof with a chainsaw, then they had it all set so we went back in side to sleep, then kevin went to work.
monday:
chilled all day at kevins, wrote two papers for joe for 30 bucks, and watched james play resident evil.. while kevin was at work he texted me sayin the big bear i wanted was all gone, and i was sad. when he came home from work.. he had it.. that jerk! but i love him! :)
tuesday:
chilled, came home, spent time with the family, kevin came over, we chilled with tj and then went to his house and tj and me and kevin and kevins mom talked for like an hour, then kevin and i cam ehome and uhm.. slept? yea
wednesday:
so he left this morning for class and i slet till like 12 and sat around and my mom and sheri made soo much noise all day that i have a huge migrane and feel like im gonna get sick so im gonna stop typing and try to relax.. so yea oh i also went and picked up pams car today so i can work tomorrow, and friday and saturday. and im pretty sure after work tomorrow, tj noah and me are goin to RI to see my kevin :) yay!ok later.
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| //.106 |
[Thursday
12/14 @ 2:15 am] |
Thursday;
woke up, chilled with james, made him cook me breakfast, went to get my check, went to RI, chilled with my lover and then drove home, leaving James there.
Friday;
Slept til Kevin told me him and James were here and to get up cause we were goin to get food. So instead we went to Kevins for like 4 hours cause he had to fix the Hondas exhaust cause it straight up fell off.. but we also went to McD's for food, and auto zone for parts.. While Kevin fixed the exhaust James and I watched Beauty and the Geek. Then we all went out and chilled.
Saturday;
Worked 9-1, Kevin picked me up and James, Kevin and I went to Blockbuster and rented some movies and then we went to RI.. Kevin went to work and James and I chilled with Amy.. James didnt make a move and kicked him self in the ass later. haha.. its ok tho. so we ordered a pizza, played some foosball.. watched Clerks 2 and then went to sleep.
Sunday;
Woke up, Mass Kevin freaked out again, sooo we went to the rental agency, they said go to the cops, the cops said call the cops when you are at the apartment.. so we went back to the apt. called the cops and 2 hours later they came. then we had McD's, then we chilled some more and then we went to Junction in Springfield for Mac's birthday. got home around 12 and then watched The Island and then went to bed.
Monday;
Kevin went to school so i slept til 2 and then got up and showered and ate and chilled with James, Kevin came home and then we went to Walmart for food and such and then he went to work so me and James chilled and drank and got semi drunk. then Kevin came home and we chilled some more and then Kevin came back to the apartment and then James did something that made my day and Kevin calmed me down and made me feel special like always and then i went to sleep cause i didnt feel good.
Tuesday;
Kevin went to school, came back and we went to KFC then Kevin dropped me and James at the apartment and he went to his last class. James and I chilled and played foosball. then Kevin came home and we went to the student accounts office, then we picked up James and then we came out to Coventry, then we went and chilled with Erika. then we came to my house and slept..
Wednesday;
woke up and kevin and i rolled around for half an hour (not sexually you pervs), half awake half asleep.. just happy to be together not happy he had to leave.. but then he took my mini fridge so ppl stop stealing his food and then he left for school, so then i slept til 2 and then i put the lights on my tree and then i sat around til like 8 then john picked me up and we watched sin city and then chilled and now im home. yay. Tomorrow is work. so ill be sleeping soon. but i leave with this..
[ y o u ]
[ c a n ' t ]
[ f i g h t ]
[ f a t e ]
whateverhappens
h a p p e n s a
kevin, i am soooo happy i am with you. there is no one else for me. and while we both cant promise forever. i can promise right now. i love you. sweetness youre amazing.
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| //.105 |
[Wednesday
12/6 @ 10:41 pm] |
soo here is a well overdue update..
uhm i dont remember where i left off so ill start with, tuesday last week. Brett, James, and I went to RI, chilled with Kevin and went skateboarding. Then we came back to CT.. Wednesday I worked like always, Thursday James and I went to RI and saw Kevin then came home.. Friday I worked, Kevin came out after work, we fixed the Honda a bit and then went to eat and then Saturday morning we got up at 7 and stood in line at the DMV in the FREEZING COLD for an hour and it only took 10 minutes to register the Honda! so then we went back to Kevins house and tucked the 240 in to sleep for the winter.. it was cute.. sad, but cute it looked cudly lol.. So then we picked up James and went to RI.. Kevin went to work and me and James tried to get some girls to come over haha.. it was funny. Then Kevin came home and he let me drive the Honda and we went and got Mcdonalds, and the window doesn't open so in the drive thru you have to open the door and its funny.. haha.. so then we went back and chilled with James some more. Sunday morning we got up and chilled all day went grocery shoppin and had some fun times. then me and Kevin went to meet up with his dad and Kevin got a ticket.. haha go figure, day two driving the Honda and he gets a ticket!! crazy.. haha.. its ok tho the cop gave him a break. well then we went home chilled and went to sleep. Monday he went to school so i chilled with james at the apartment all day, kevin came home, and then went to work.. boo.. then he came home YAY!! and then yesterday we chilled, he went to work, then we came home, on the way home me and James and Kevin played strip padiddle.. it was fun, kevin lost hahaha and then i lost.. :( haha.. then we got mcd's again and came back to my house, watched MI:3 and then went to sleep.. kevin was super cuddly and woke up half way through the night and said Italian.. haha i dont know why but i love when he does that. this morning he left to go to school.. and i slept til i had to go to work.. now im watchin One Tree Hill :) its nuts! welp i gotta go. ttyl nuccas!!!!
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| //.104 |
[Sunday
11/19 @ 8:35 pm] |
ok finally an update..
so i left for virginia on thursday the 2nd, i got there at 10am and denise and chris picked me up at the airport, we went to denises moms (lindas) and ate some food then we went to her house, then we loaded up the car and went to the beach house in Duck, NC. it was awesome, ive never been to a beach house before and i got my own room with a king size bed and my own bathroom! i love bein maid of honor! So the first night it was just me, denise, chris and brian, and we all just chilled and got in the hot tub and then watched some tv and played Friends Scene It! i love that game! i want it. so yea Friday, we woke up and Shannon got there and we all went to the currituck lighthouse it was huge, and we walked all the way up like 294 stairs to the top. quite the walk, so then we walked around a country club, went to burger king, did some shopping and then went back to the ouse cause a bunch more ppl were coming to party! so we all started drinkin at like 6 and sean and jeremy and katherine and autumn and cody and shaina got there ad we all partied and had a bunch of fun! then saturday we all got up and went shoppin some more and then went bowling and then chrissy, ryan, kelly, jess, and shannons chris came over and we partied a bunch more, playin quarters and shoulders and flip cup and yea it was awesome. so sunday we went back to Virginia cause we had a week of stuff to do before the wedding. so alot of stuff happened all week so the days kinda mesh together but i had a good time and then firday we had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and then all the brides maids slept at denises moms with her. saturday we all woke up at 7 in the morning! got to the country club and set up the reception room and the arch for the wedding and then at 11 got our hair done and had our dresses on and were ready to go by 3. then the pictures were taken and the wedding started at 5, it was absolutely beautiful.. the reception followed and was equally beautiful and fun! we all danced the night away and then denise and chris went in the ROLLS ROYCE! to their secret spot for their wedding night.. shannon and me and katherine and brian went back to the hotel, and ate some pizza then went to sleep. woke up in the morning, we had breakfast with denise and chris and then i went to denises and slept on cha-chi's snuggle bed with him til 3 then we went to denises parents and i watched tv then went to sleep and then monday i said bye to denise and chris cause they left for their honeymoon and i was leavin at 5pm for home.. at 4 linda brought me to the airport and it got emotional cause thats my second home so i was sad to leave, but happy to go home. so i got home from virginia at 8 and my mom picked me up from the airport and i just went home and rested and then tuesday Kevin came over and YAY!!!! ii hadnt seen him in like 12 days!!!! so it was very good to see him! i love him. ok so then wednesday i worked, thursday i went and saw kevin, friday i chilled with john and taylor and kevin came out and we watched some movies and then last night we went to dinner with his parents and he taught me how to do ignition timing and we had a good night and then this mornin he left cause he had to work today so ive just been sittin around and relaxin cause i felt kinda sick and now im watchin tv and thats about it. yay ok so youre updated.. did i mention i have the greatest boyfriend? well i do :)!
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| //.103 |
[Wednesday
11/1 @ 1:05 pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
so i guess since i finally got my password to this i should update.. i now the last time i did i had just gotten back from virginia, and now tomorrow im going back there. I leave tomorrow at 7:55 am and were going to NC to the beach house and staying there for a week and then going back to VA beach for the rest of the wedding stuff, im excited.. i miss all those ppl so its should be lots of fun and who doesnt love a wedding.. its something i wont see for years from now if i even see one.. i know it doesnt matter now that im only 19 but whats so bad about knowing youre happy and wanting to stay that way? whatever... oh and before i go on, you should know, im in one of my depressed anorexic mind states so everything i say is mostly negative, its nothing against you or anyone else around me, and especially not my bf, cause kevin i love with all of me. EDIT: EVERYTHING IS GOLDEN AND IM IN LOVE AND HAPPY AND YAY! CANT WAIT TIL THE 14TH WHEN I CAN SEE HIM AGAIN BEST THING EVER: "IM GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH NOT BEING ABLE TO HOLD YOU FOR A WEEK AND A HALF" just sometimes heredity takes place and i get depressed, maybe i shouldnt have asked and maybe i should have because now at least i know but im so confused and i dont know what to do.. kristie like always says "go with the flow" and i know that, i preach that but i cant understand it.. when so much is going through my mind, theres just nothing that will make it stop. i know its me, i know i suck and i wish ppl would stop syaing i dont, cause i dont believe it and it just makes things harder cause it feels like lies wether they are trying to make me feel better or not.. truth is i shouldnt let the past bother me or run my life now, but i cant help that now that im comfortable in my relationship, im so scared that its goin to end up the same as the last one.. and i know thats not fair, so i hate me for it.i dont always feel this way, most days im so happy and cant wait to see where it goes and just hope it ends up where he says it will and im fine with not knowing.. but other days i get dumb and think too much. i had such a weird dream last night, it started out nice and then by the end of it, i was standing on top of a building looking down and holding a letter in my hand that said goodbyes to kevin, kristie, melissa, john, james, and my mom and for them to forgive me for being so selfish, then i jumped. maybe im just too emotional today.. my horoscope says my dreams will be weird because of uranus in my sexy venus.. lol whatever that means. all i know is i cant stop shaking.. so anyways, enough about that it isnt helping me out at all. so work is good, at least its money, not enough, but its some. i need to dye my hair today for the wedding, i want highlights but i dont think that will happen considering how broke i am.. and if it came out bad i couldnt fix it.. so fuck it. my friends are all amazing, i know they all care about me and thats good. makes me feel less like shit. and i know kevin loves me just the things said before and the things said last night contradict and i over think. but i love him so much. we really do have the best relationship and we have so much fun that i just shouldnt worry. i know i shouldnt worry. oh and by the way (<3 trunk/backseat forts :-*) lol its the day before i leave for virginia and i guess part of me doesnt want to cause i know 14 days is a long time, i know it will go by fast, but i wish i could take him with me, show him off and how amazing he treats me.. that would be good. and just to have his company of course.. i need to do laundry, get hair dye, dye my hair, pack and all that before tomorrow morning.. ah so hectic.. i wanna roll over and not get back up. im also gonna miss the crap out of fonzie, and i know he will miss me too. Halloween was yesterday, maybe that screwed me up.. i didnt even treat it like i usually do... i need a reading damn it.. where is kristie when i need her.. not that i could see her if she were awake, im in CT her in MA but damn i need one.. i need to know and she knows that. well this is too long and crazy.. but the party i threw at kevins apartment was so much fun, and im sure everyone there saw my ass a few times lol.. especially when he scooped me up in his arms and carried me up the stairs lol. good fucking times tho. and hahahahaha the skeletons made stains on the walls!!! note to ppl dont put jelly sticky window clings on walls...
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| //.102 |
[Monday
9/25 @ 1:18 am] |
well virginia was good.. with one exception. but it was good seein denise and the family. and the bridal shower went great and my dress for the wedding is beautiful. so thats all good.
work has been good, easy and not completely slow awful like it can be.
my love life has been great, kevins the greatest, poor thing has no bumper on his car right now, but its ok now he'll just get a new one and it'll be better cause the old one did have some scratches and stuff.. now its just got a big hole in it.. on a happier note kevin finally got his new rims!! sooo good lookin! so weve just been hangin out and stuff like always.
friends are iffy right now.. i finally know who my true friends are.. and well it isnt who i thought it would be.. funny how much a person can change and not necessarily in a good way. oh well, you win some you lose some. the ones who are true will always be and even tho its not many, they are the ones that matter most! and thats fine with me.
me on the other hand.. my self image just keeps dropping, i havent felt beautiful in days.. i just want to lose some weight and i wish i could improve some things.. i hate feeling like this. i wish hating myself would end i wish i could find something that would make my self esteem go up.. no matter what im constantly comparing and wishing and hating and im sick of it.. i want to look at myself or think of myself in a positive way.. being ProAna has ruined my self image.. what can i do?
at least i have a great guy who does make me feel beautiful, he never fails to tell me how much he thinks so.. it hurts me most because i can hardly believe him, not just him, everybody.
Well.. since its officially the 25th..
Happy Birthday Kevin!!!
ps. Jackass Number2 was very funny. good times!
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| //.101 |
[Tuesday
9/5 @ 6:07 pm] |
Ah i hate life.. why do i have to suck at it? ive been feeling like crying since like 2:30 and i dont even have a reason to. and i just stubbed my toe and i went to visit melissa and i started feelin like shit so i came home and ate and then i got really dizzy again and fell down again! and that was after i ate! so i dont know whats wrong with me.. i dont wanna be here. i dont want my personality or my looks and i dont feel important.. i feel like i crowd everyone and i just want to get over it. i guess im just having a bad day and i know later ill feel better because it always passes but i think im gonna take a nap.. melissa gets out in like 50 minutes and then she will come over so thats good i need to be surrounded with friends.. and maybe thats bad since i only have like 5 friends.. i need a vacation and i know im goin on one in a week but its different.. i just want to have a full time job and get a car and be out of my moms and i dont know how to do that and everything keeps getting so confusing.. i really just wish i could just be happy with myself so i could be everything everyone wants from me.. gah whatever.. im goin to sleep.
disclaimer.. by the way this has nothing to do with my boyfriend or my friends because you guys are all that keeps me going half the time. i love you all, i couldnt ask for anything else. thanks for always having my back.. especially at walmart when stupid guys say stupid shit lol.
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| //.100 |
[Sunday
9/3 @ 8:39 pm] |
well a lot has happened. its been some good times.. i leave for VA in less than two weeks.. YAY! but.. only like 5 of 24 ppl have RSVP'd to the Bridal shower. im sure it will all work out.. went to the woodstock fair last night.. it was fun, but cold.. so many cute moo's!! and there was a midget one and he was FURRY!!! haha and cute rabbits and OH OH! sheep! midget ones.. like this.. shortandsweetsheep theyre awesome! and we free'd some. haha and then kevin helped me yank a hello kitty ring thats awesome and a new fairie charm for my cell phone!! i love it! sooooo now i have an allergy head cold so ive been all drugged up on benadryl and day quil :) which im gonna need some more soon cause its wearin off..
well there isnt much else to talk about. oh except Nick sucks.. but thats nothing new.. Im in the for melissa not him so he can suck a penis! haha
oh you know whats fun? mud butting around town with a fucking mega phone!! shit yea!
and my boy and james came up with this.. haha its funny, but dont steal it.
Arm and hamma propaganda, footloose rubba goose, rubba duck good fuck, salamander sandals, Alligator MUD BUTT
piece ****a!
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enjoytheshowx's journal
